he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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