You really coming over, don't trick.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
