well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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