We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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