made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
