Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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