sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
