He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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