i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
