You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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