The maid of honor just puked.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
