i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize