Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
