I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
bring money and cleavage
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize