the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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