All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
