I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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