doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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