Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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