If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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