Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
