And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
