Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
