I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
