The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hippo gnu deer
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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