I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
