Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
