Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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