Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
