yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
