Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
