I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
