I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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