My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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