Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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