So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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