tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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