He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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