this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
