There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
