You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize