dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
