It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
