I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
