I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
