I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
