there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
