I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
