So drunk its hurt
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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