You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
