If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
be right there i have to get my cape
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
