I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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