I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
