Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
