If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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