doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
