please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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