oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
