What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
