Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
