Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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