Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
