Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
