Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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