Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
