There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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